I always love when January is over becuase it’s my least favorite month. I hate the cold, the wind, the ice, and the days without sunlight. Making it to February is a positive step toward spring in my opinion.
Another thing about February – the last week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, a pretty important week. I had toyed with the idea of making my blog more public (sharing it on FB) for NEDA week, but I’m not really sure if I’m ready for that yet.
However, I am on a marketing committee as part of my internship, and we are going to do a spotlight on NEDA week. I think it’s really important to promote awareness, especially on a college campus where ED and disordered eating run rampant. (Sad but true!)
The theme for this year is everybody knows somebody. It’s a pretty good message, and I’d definately recommend everyone to check out their website and see what they can do. I know I’ll be using FB and twitter to promote awareness! http://nedawareness.org/
It’s sort of strange, because I feel that because I have gone through so much adversity, I should use that knowledge to help others, but sometimes it’s hard. One of my good friends has started spending time with a girl who has lost a significant amount of weight in the past year, exercises a ton, and eats super healthy. She hasn’t talked to us about having an ED, but I’m pretty good at recognizing it in other people. Part of me wants to try to help her, but another part of me just wants to get as far away from her as possible, because my inner anorexic rears it’s ugly head around her and tells me I’m too fat, that I’m eating too much, or that I’m so ugly compared to her.
It’s a tough battle, especially because I can see ED behavior in so many people I encounter on a daily basis.
Furthermore, I’m starting to think that getting my Master’s in exercise science might not be the best thing for me. I have enjoyed a lot of my classes, but I sort of fell into the major when I realized I didn’t want to be a dietitian. Kin seemed like the logical choice because I loved exercise and a lot of my classes would apply. However, I don’t think it’s helping my eating disorder recovery very much. It’s hard to be around exercise ALL THE TIME, just like it’s hard to be around food all the time. It’s almost like putting an alcoholic in a bar and telling the person not to drink.
Therefore, I’ve decided to just take some time to figure out my life and myself after graduation. I have a lot of regrets already, and I don’t want to rush into graduate school and regret it later. Taking time off might not have been part of my original plan, but it’s my life and I need to stay true to myself. I’ve been feeling crappy lately because I don’t know what I want to do, and I feel unsuccessful because I’m graduating with a degree that won’t really help me get a good job, but I know I’ll figure it out one of these days.
I went 4 days in a row without bingeing, and it felt really good. I slipped up yesterday, but I’m confident I can get back on track and respect my body.
spread some love!!!